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Generation Love

Curious and curiouser, the way in which little words can change the world; something happened today. The writer in me thought to put words to paper once more. Since, the conversation, sparked such a fire in my heart. It happened like this...

I was in the car with Rachel and we where just casually talking. Waiting for Dean, her brother to get of the bus. Rachel, if you don’t know her is a very sweet and precocious child. She does however, often have the ability to speak as Luna would ‘ uncomfortable truths.’ She is an imaginative child, but extremely observant. It’s unlikely that if you’ve told her something interesting. She’d have pause to forget your words. She also asks the most unusual questions in the most profound manner. You’d believe you where speaking to someone much older.

I’ve got to veer off topic here, a little in regards to Ash. Who i miss and love with my entire heart. Since last I wrote, we’ve been doing well and are unofficially back together! He calls me his baby girl...which never ceases to make me blush and often my heart to skip beats. When he tells me he loves me, I feel warmth wash over me. I am so in love, that I actually save his messages on my iPhone to read again and again.

Rachel doesn’t know Ash, as he is she knows him as what she sees. Ash on his part hasn’t bothered to correct her. She knows him as Ryan when it comes to our love. Gosh I miss him, like I don’t think he really gets how much. How each text message is a light in a dark room. How each call restarts my heart. How his kisses and how he holds me puts color back into the world. No I don’t think he realizes how much I love him. I’ve always had such an easy time writing down how I feel. When it comes to Ash, to my baby I am speechless. Its like no word I write is good enough. Real enough to describe how I feel. To describe the love that I have or the desire that I feel. There isn’t a world I’ve ever learned big enough, sweet enough amazing enough to describe my baby boy.

I was thinking about Ash, when Rachel was talking on happily in the back seat. I must have been mussing out load because she put her head between the seats and looked at me.

I said “ oh” and she laughed. I said “ oh uh..Rachel I have a question for you.”

She smiled and said “ like what?”

With a serious voice I said “ Rachel do you think its ok for a girl to wear boys cloths.”

She began to laugh and said “ why do you ask Marcela.”

I smirked “ well honey” I said “ I have a friend who’s mother gets very angry when she does. She gets in trouble.”

Rachel frowned “ thats stupid girls can wear boys cloths. In fact girls look cooler wearing boys cloths.”

She was very matter affect casual and almost haughty.

Ash, who I hadn’t heard from most of the day suddenly texted me. I blushed and starred down at the phone nestled in the console.

Rachel said “ is that Missa?”

I said “no...uh honey its Ash.”

She smiled happily and asked “ what did she say?” She then leaned further and saw Ash had written “ I miss you baby.”

Rachel proceeded to read it out load...and my cheeks burned. I told her it was a nickname and she believe that. She told me her nickname was sunshine:)

I almost missed what Rachel said it was very calm and honest. “ I think mothers worry their daughters will turn into boys.”

I turned in my seat to stare. “ What do you mean by that?”

she stopped to think “ moms are silly your friend should wear whatever she likes. I would love to be able to wear boys cloths, but mom gets me only girly stuff. Maybe her mom worries what will happen to her if she looks different. Maybe she wants her to be like she was growing up. There’s nothing wrong with it, I think your friend is cool. I mean you wear boys cloths. The only problem is with the pants, Cinnamon chews them.”

I couldn’t believe what Rachel was saying. My mouth was hanging open “ so if i bought you a boys hat you’d wear it” I said laughing a little.

She gave me a serious smile “ yes i’d love a boys hat. Dean is lucky he can wear boys stuff.” She sounded almost sad.

“ So” I paused “ you’d wear cloths like Justine Bebber”

“ Yes!”

“ Wow.” I nodded smiling “ good for you sweetie.”

By then Ash was texting me again and I was laughing on the inside.

“ I think people get scared when their children wear cloths that are unconventional” I said to her. “ Like I think they get uncomfortable with unconformity.” By this time I was really getting into it and getting excited “ It think her mom” I was changing her to him in my head “ doesn’t want her to become a boy.”

“ I think your right” she responded right back. “ but that doesn’t happen from cloths you are what you are...like can you imagine Dean with girl cloths on...I can imagine him in a dress with a bow.”

I was laughing so hard and so was she. “ Don’t tell him you’re imagining him in a dress ok.”

“ I am not gonna but he doesn’t make a pretty girl.” She barreled on “nanny how do you get a niece?”

So as soon as it had started it was over and I was left to explain in detail how a family works.

Yes, something interesting happened today. Rachel opened my eyes to a fact that, someday the children of today. Will be the leaders of tomorrow and they are already living hearts open to learn and accept.

So next time Ash comes to stay, hopefully for my birthday. He’ll be able to dress as boyish as he desires. Its not going to upset her....there is hope....maybe someday they will call us ‘ generation love.’

My dearest darling love;

This part is for you and only you. You are the music of my heart, the magic and the wish I make every time I see 11:11. To the stars and to the moon I say “ take my dreams, my wishes to my baby boy. Let him know how much I love him. Let him know “ we will be strong forever like the moon and the stars at midnight...we will be strong together.” I love you Ash, wherever you are I miss you and know my love is overflowing unconditional and never ending. You name plays in my mind, your kisses jump start my heart. When you hold my hand I feel like I am alive. When we fall asleep together I am home. Every-time something exciting happens I want you here to share it. Even the ordinary turn extraordinary with you in my life. I'm proud to be your girl and that you're my boy, my man, my best friend and my lover. Ash, I was born to love you...I always will.
~*la misma luna*~